Goggles

The goggles weren't working. He didn't feel more energized or more alive. His outlook had not “brightened to an almost unbelievable degree.” The tiny instruction manual, which had initially inspired confidence by its very slimness, was now dog-eared after vain attempts to find some information in it. The straps were adjusted properly. He cleaned the faces of the goggles with a mild solution of dishwashing soap and water. He discontinued use for twenty-four hours.

He had them on again, and he only felt underwater. The goggles created pressure around his eyes and he felt like he was submerged in liquid. This was not satisfactory. Four easy payments of $29.99 down the drain.

The sales contract specified that he could return his Bio-Enhanced Goggles for a refund only in the event of material defect. And they looked to be sound. No cracks in the plastic casing. No splits in the webbing. They were sound; they just didn't work. Feeling underwater, he sorted some mail, tidied up a bit. He saw himself in the round base of a lamp and did look... different. Distinguished. The goggles were smart, with their pattern of raised "Energy Collector" dots around the faceplate, and the molded nose armature. He had no complaints on that score. And for a while, a few minutes, the light chores were even lighter. He felt more fluid, as though he were gliding through space with water-borne grace. A sinuous, tendrilled thing, at home in a vast mystery. Maybe they were working after all.

He ran to the bedroom and fumbled through the packing materials. Through the cardboard box emblazoned with the legend "Feel more alive! Feel more energized! Feel more relaxed!" He did feel more relaxed. He was more at home in himself than he had been for years. Was it the patented refraction lenses? Or was it the space-age aura magnifiers? He didn't know and he didn't care! Leave that to the bookish scientists! He was free! He was alive!