New Year

We didn't make many arrangements for Y2K. Bought a generator and backup. Excavated another room in the basement and filled it with cans and bottled water. Installed a kitchen and a bathroom down there. With a new septic tank. We could feed the whole neighborhood for a month, but it won't come to that. This is just preparation. Good citizenship.

Put in sensors around the perimeter of the property and wired them to a central panel. Cameras. Remote-activated explosives for use in EMERGENCIES ONLY. The cars are gassed up and ready. With an additional 500 gallons buried in drums in the backyard. A little razor wire, nothing tacky. It's woven in the vines over the fence, so it's practically like decoration. Filters on the windows and vents for a full spectrum of chemical agents. Bio suits in the basement locker. Just in case. (A little preparation never hurt anyone.)

Guns. Rifles, shotguns, handguns. Some automatic. Some just semi. Enough ammo to blast the moon in half. Nozzles built into all upstairs rooms, for dispersing poison or dispensing flame, depending on the home-invasion threat. The potential home invasion threat.

We don't believe, necessarily, that anything bad will happen. This is just the overgrown Boy Scout in me, being prepared, like any reasonable person. I'm not going to let a little computer bug and the insecurities of my fellow man ruin my day. I worked hard to afford my radio-controlled death robot. It can even walk on walls. Or roll on walls, on quad polyurethane treads with polyethylene cores, for silent operation. Eighty-eight micro ampules of sodium cyanide, accurate injection from up to thirty feet. Laser guided trajectory, of course. Infrared opticals. Echolocation. So I'm not worried about what the New Year could bring. I'm not worried at all. In fact, I'm almost looking forward to it.